About your rights…
I’m getting kind of tired of hearing about people’s “rights”. Especially when they get it wrong. So I decided it’s time for a little primer on a few of the key Amendments. I promise, I’ll explain them using small words so you can understand them!
Amendment I (1791)
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
OK, so let’s be clear: You can worship any way you want, you can say anything you want. The Government can’t stop you or force you, one way or another. However: This doesn’t mean that there aren’t consequences! If your “worship” involved a human sacrifice, you’re likely gonna have some legal issues. If you try to force me to worship your God, I’m going to “react badly”, feel free to interpret that for yourself. If you try to pass laws that prioritize your religious views, that’s against the Constitution and it also makes you a Dick. If you say ignorant, hateful things, you can lose your job, because they don’t want to be associated with you! Or, you might get punched in the face. Good news? The guy who punched you probably has some new legal issues he’s gotta deal with. But you’ve still been punched in the face.
Amendment II (1791)
A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.
See, the purpose of this short, simple, and sweet Amendment was twofold: 1) to make sure that the relatively new country had an armed populace which made it more difficult for an enemy to attack and conquer. 2) To provide a check against Government abuse of power (basically, to keep Congress, the Senate, Government officials in general, a little scared of running afoul of the citizens.) All your reinterpretation of this Amendment — total BS.
Nobody really argues much about the Third Amendment, so we’ll skip that one.
Amendment IV (1791)
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
Pretty simple: The Government needs Probable Cause to search your home, business, body, vehicle, etc. They need a warrant. Warning: Sometimes, running your mouth in public, or posting dumb things on social media, or joining some sketchy group of misbegotten “Patriots”, gives them the Probable Cause they need.
Amendment V (1791)
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.
You’re guaranteed due process before you can be sentenced for a crime.
You can’t be tried twice (or more) for the same crime.
You have the right to remain silent. (More of you should take this as good advice!)
Your property can’t be seized without compensation. (Honestly, we all need to pay more attention to this one!)
Amendment VI (1791)
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence.
This is the one that gives you the right to a jury of your peers, a right to face your accuser, and prevents them from just locking you away forever, waiting for a trial that may never come. Nice!
The Seventh Amendment isn’t all that controversial, so moving on:
Amendment VIII (1791)
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.
This keeps them from going “I set bail at a Bazillion dollars for your heinous illegal parking!”. Social Justice Note: Bail amounts are relative. If you’re poor, a relatively small bail can still keep you locked up. There needs to be a ton of reform here! This amendment also keeps the Government from torturing you in prison. Although that doesn’t mean you won’t have some issues with your fellow inmates! Again! There needs to be some reforms here!
We’re gonna skip over a few to get to one that’s really important:
Amendment XV (1870)
Section 1. The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of race, color, or previous condition of servitude.Section 2. The Congress shall have power to enforce this article by appropriate legislation.
See, now… THIS one needs some special attention! This one is about voting. All you people behind Voter Suppression efforts around the country… All you people drawing those goofy redistricting boundaries, somebody needs to sit you down and explain this one to you. Or beat it into you. Whatever. Stop fucking with voting rights!!!
Amendment XVI (1913)
The Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several States, and without regard to any census or enumeration.
Quit complaining and pay your Goddamn taxes! That’s how we pay for a fair and functioning society. Argue for a fair taxation system. Stop framing it as “Givers vs. Takers”. Fairness, people! Fairness!
Okay, that’s probably enough for now. To be honest, I lied. I used some big words. It also became a little bit of a rant. But to be fair, it pisses me off that you slept through Civics Class and then you run around, shooting off your mouth about “your rights”. You should know, each of our rights kinda end at the outer surface of our skin, or maybe our property line. Quit trying to bend the words in the Constitution to justify you being an asshole!
Have a nice day!
